It’s time. You’ve been talking about getting serious about the upcoming college search for months and as you look at the commitments on your calendar – summer jobs, soccer camp, house guests coming in August, etc. – you realize that you need to plan a trip to visit colleges soon. Otherwise the whole summer will have passed you by and you’ll be left scrambling to squeeze one in after the school year has begun.
If your house is anything like mine, talking about trips is one thing and actually making them happen is another. For us this means that Marnie, my wife, starts saying things like, “When do you want to go on vacation next summer?” in oh, let’s say November, and I either grunt or say something along the lines of, “How the hell do I know?” in response. This goes on for several months until Marnie gets tired of asking, takes matters into her own hands, and organizes the whole thing. And the truth is, as irritating as it is for her, this generally works out. She gets to make the big decisions and knows how to tend to the details with greater efficiency than the rest of us – myself and our two sons – and everyone gets a nice trip in the end. So it’s all good.
When it comes to planning college visits though, the mom-does-everything-approach may be efficient, but it is not actually ideal. Rather, from start to finish, your college visits should be a shared endeavor between students and parents. Insofar as this is likely a departure from the natural order of things for you, I have taken the liberty of offering a division of labor for planning your college trips that I hope you will find helpful.
Getting Started
Students – These visits are about you and it’s important for you to take ownership of your relationship with the colleges in which you are interested. You should be responsible for finding out the critical information about visiting each school. How many times a day do they provide information sessions and campus tours? Do you need to register in advance? Do the colleges you are visiting offer individual interviews and do you want to schedule one? Are they holding large scale programs for prospective students at any point and if so, might attending one of those be more beneficial? Is there an opportunity to meet with faculty from a department in which you have a particular interest? And, once you have gathered the information, you should be contacting admissions offices and scheduling any interviews or meetings you want to have while on campus.
Parents – You can help your students tend to all the important details of the visit. Expecting students to be responsible for big chunks of the planning doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t provide guidance as they do these sorts of things for the first time. Also, you probably want to be more actively involved in things like travel arrangements – flights and car rentals (if applicable), hotel reservations, etc. It’s great if students play a part in all of this, but if your children are like mine, you might not want to let them loose on Expedia with your credit card and no oversight.
Both – Be realistic about your itinerary. One common mistake to avoid is overestimating how many campuses you can visit in a day. If you are in the nascent stages of your college search and your objective is just to see a few buildings and get a sense of the location, then going to three or more colleges in a day may be feasible. But if you want to have meaningful visits, then trying to do more than two in a day probably isn’t a great idea. Make sure you give yourself adequate time to follow up on the things that most interest you from info sessions and tours. You may want to try to meet with a faculty member or ask additional questions of admissions staff or tour guides. And, if you really like what you see, you might want to take an extra hour to explore campus on your own and possibly talk with some students in the campus center or dining hall.
In the end, if you are constantly looking at your watch thinking about when you need to leave to get to the next place, then you’ll likely find that all those info sessions and tours start to blend together and you don’t really get much of value out of the whole endeavor.
On Campus
Students – To minimize stress and the sorts of squabbles that may arise from it, make a point of finding out ahead of time exactly where the admissions office is located and how to get there. Also, plan to get to campus half an hour before you need to be there. You don’t want to be racing in, breathless and harried after spending 45 minutes looking for a parking space that isn’t reserved for faculty. When you get to the admissions office, you – which is to say not your mother, father, or little sister – need to be the one to approach the receptionist, sign in, and ask where to wait for the tour or info session.
On campus tours and in the information sessions, move to the front of the group and be an active participant. Pay attention to what’s being said and try to make it a point to ask at least one question in every session/tour you attend. You will find that you get much more out of your visits if you are engaged in the conversation. That said, it is possible to be too involved. You know what I’m talking about, right? The person who has a comment or question about everything that comes up. The one who dominates the conversation and has no filter and is so spectacularly lacking in self-awareness that he doesn’t realize how off-putting his incessant speechifying is to everyone else in the group. You don’t want to be that person, so just try to be aware of the dynamic in the group and take part without dominating.
Parents – Go over the itinerary for the day with your student the night before. Make sure you build in a time cushion to allow for the reasonable possibility that you make a wrong turn or get delayed in traffic. Most importantly, from the time you exit the car on campus until you get back in to leave at the end of the visit it is essential that you adhere to Rule #1 which states unequivocally – “It’s not about you.” This is often much more easily said than done. We – and yes, I am one of you – are so used to being the designated spokesperson when going places with our children that our instinct is to step forward and take charge when we enter places like college admissions offices. So I am not judging. I’m simply saying don’t.
Both – While students should be taking the lead during your campus visits, it is entirely appropriate for parents to participate in tours and info sessions. Indeed, parents often ask great questions that contribute to helpful and instructive conversations. Just make sure, parents, that you don’t break Rule #1. And in case you’re wondering, constructing a fourteen part question as a thinly disguised ploy to extol the many virtues of your offspring or share hilarious anecdotes about when you were in college, does indeed qualify as breaking Rule #1. That said, and now I am talking to students again, if your mother or father asks a question about the health center or financial aid or study abroad, that is not justification for rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, sighing hard enough to move the hair of the person in front of you, or slumping down in your seat hoping to become invisible. Your parents care about you. Deal with it.
Likewise, this advice generally applies to any other meetings you may have with faculty, staff, coaches, or other students while on campus. Students need to be out front and parents should by and large stay out of the way with the exception of asking a clarifying question or two at the end of the meeting.
Following Up
Students – Just like it’s a good idea to send “thank you” notes after a job interview, you should plan to follow up each of your campus visits with a short message to the admissions office – especially if you are planning to apply to the college in question. Remember the names of the people with whom you interacted – tour guides, interviewers, admissions counselors, etc. – and send them a personalized message citing specific topics you discussed (e.g. the physics programs, the debate club, etc.). It is especially important to follow up with any faculty, staff, or coaches outside of the admissions office with whom you meet. Messages like this demonstrate that you were paying attention and value the time that students and staff gave to you. They also can serve as a reminder to the staff member of who you are which may be helpful when your application is being reviewed later in the year.
Parents – Beyond a quick reminder to your student to send follow up messages to the campuses you visited, your job is pretty much done. You should not send “thank you” messages to tour guides or info session leaders. Doing so actually takes the focus off of your child in a way that clearly violates Rule #1 and is likely to be anything but helpful.
Final Thoughts
Finally, here are a few suggestions of things that may be helpful in planning or carrying out your campus visits.
- Take a handful of pictures at each of the campuses you visit. If you are looking at a lot schools they can start to blend together after a while and having photos can help prompt your memory when you go back to evaluate your trip.
- You may find it helpful to keep a journal dedicated to your college search. Write down the schools you visit, key points from tours and info sessions, and the names of any students, faculty, and staff with whom speak, or get their business cards. Also try to document you initial impression of each campus. Again, campuses can get muddled together if you are seeing a lot of them and you will want to have accurate information as you decide where to apply and attend.
- If you are able, try to visit the colleges in which you are most interested more than once. You will notice different things each time you visit and end up with a fuller sense of each school as you make your final decision.
That’s all for now. Good luck and enjoy.
