We are right smack in the middle of college opening season and I know that most of you are incredibly busy with all that entails so I’ll be brief. Here are a few thoughts to consider as you (or your child) starts college.
- There was an interesting piece by Lisa Heffernan and Jennifer Breheney Wallace in the New York Times last week about risks that new college students face. No doubt, personal health and safety is a fertile topic for discussion. While the tone of the piece is a bit foreboding and heavy-handed for my taste, every one of the subjects highlighted in the article is important. And, I enthusiastically second Heffernan and Wallace’s recommendation that students and families discuss these issues both now and throughout their college experience.
- Speaking of personal safety at college, one behavior that made me crazy during my three decades of student deaning was when students’ steadfastly refused to lock their doors. Personally, I think students should lock their doors any time they are out of the room because more computers, iPods, gaming systems, cash, etc. disappear from unlocked dorm rooms than anyone wants to admit. In the end, though, that is only stuff and students can either go without or replace it – expensive though it may be. But what really makes me nuts is that students don’t lock their doors when they go to sleep at night. When I confront them about it they almost always say the same thing: “I should be able to sleep in my room without having to worry that someone could come in and hurt me.” Fair enough. But if we lived in the Universe of Should, then I would be playing second base for the Red Sox, every Powerball ticket would be a $100 million winner, and politicians would always tell the truth. Since we don’t, please understand that locking your door when you go to sleep is truly a matter of your personal safety, so please do it.
- It is easy to understand why some students starting college don’t want to broadcast that they have a learning difference or have struggled with a health issue like obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder. But please believe me when I say that it is a mistake not to share your full medical history with campus health providers, or to ask for appropriate learning accommodations. Over time students with learning differences may want to cease certain accommodations and adopt new strategies, but the first year of college – when new students are adjusting to far more demanding academic expectations – is not the best time. Likewise, students and families should be aware that the stress associated with starting college can exacerbate existing health issues – particularly those with mental health components. Campus health professionals and learning specialists are there to help you and will honor your privacy. Seeking and accepting appropriate support for legitimate health and learning issues is both crucial and a sign of maturity and self-awareness.
- If I’m being totally honest, I spend more time with the Boston Globe Sports Section than the Sunday New York Times, but David Kirp’s recent article in the Sunday Review entitled “Conquering the Freshman Fear of Failure” is excellent and highlights important issues that first generation and students from historically underrepresented groups face. It is well worth the time to read.
- Parents often ask me how frequently they should call or text their new college student. The answer is that it is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Students and parents need to consider the particular dynamics of their relationship and figure out what works best for them. I can say that students fully engaging in their new lives on campus is crucial as they transition to college. Parents should try to be mindful of whether or not their student is skipping or missing out on things that will help them to acclimate as a result of calling home. As a general rule, I suggest that students be the ones to initiate calls home. You want to do what you can to avoid a situation where a check-in call from home is the thing that pulls a student away from dinner or an ultimate Frisbee game or a conversation with new friends and classmates. If parents think their student is calling too often, or not often enough – yes, parents and families have every right to expect students to call at least once a week – then talk about it. There is a terrific book by Abigail Sullivan Moore and Barbara Hofer called The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up that may help you think these thing through. I highly recommend it.
All right, that’s enough for now. Take care and happy reading.
