Foreword
There is a well-worn blue and tan plaid shirt hanging in my closet. A gift from my late mother-in-law (who I adored), it is one of those beloved wardrobe items that is as much an old friend as an article of clothing – ideally suited for reading the Sunday paper or trivia night at the local bar and grill. For well over a decade I wore that shirt in the evening after work or on the weekend at least once most every week. I had it on a little before 10pm on the night of Sunday, April 27, 2015 when the phone rang and the dean on-call (I was vp/dean of students at Colby College at the time) told me that one of our students had killed himself in his dorm room. Continue reading “College Student Suicide and the Relentless Chorus of What-Ifs”
Category: Parents and Families
The Transfer Window: Living in Interesting Times
You know the oft-repeated Chinese curse that goes, “May you live in interesting times?” Well, the first year of college is interesting times for just about every student – and their families.
Many, if not most, new students and their families reasonably assume that the hardest part – the most interesting of times – is going to hit sometime in September or October. Or maybe during the fall exam period when students get their first real taste of academic stress on a large scale. It stands to reason that new students would struggle most at the moment the big changes are hitting for the first time, right? Continue reading “The Transfer Window: Living in Interesting Times”
Home for the Holidays
In our house the countdown starts on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. The day our kids go back to college/school after Turkey Day is when we start thinking about having them home for the extended holiday break. We circle their respective dates of return on the calendar and allow our spirits to be lifted by the promise of three weeks of family dinners, game nights by the fire, trips to the movies, and when the weather cooperates maybe even a day or two on the ski slopes at nearby Sugarloaf. Continue reading “Home for the Holidays”
Phoning Home: Reflections on Sunday Night Calls from College
When our boys are away at school we are practitioners of the Sunday night phone call ritual. In the age of cell phones, I’m not entirely sure how or why this age-old tradition has taken hold for us, but it has.
Most weeks John, our college senior, calls somewhere between 7 and 9 p.m. He updates us on the week that was. His mother passes along the news from extended family, fishes for random bits of information about his social life, and covers the transactional business (e.g. banking, online shopping, doctors’ appointments that need scheduling, etc.). I ask about the weekend, we talk sports (usually the Red Sox as well as some other seasonal happening – how his fantasy football team fared, March Madness, etc.), and make travel arrangements for when he comes home on breaks. Continue reading “Phoning Home: Reflections on Sunday Night Calls from College”
Survive and Thrive: Navigating the End-of-Semester Crunch
December is officially here. Snow is falling in central Maine. It will be dark by 4:15 – just one of the many benefits of living within spitting distance of the arctic circle. The last of the Thanksgiving leftovers are either gone or inedible. And the fall academic term is drawing to a close at colleges across the United States.
With end-of-term assignments coming due and exams fast approaching, campus coffee consumption and late night pizza sales are on the rise, sleep and laser printer cartridges are in short supply, and literally millions of students are taking part in the centuries old tradition of putting off their school work by cleaning their dorm rooms for the first time since parents’ weekend. Continue reading “Survive and Thrive: Navigating the End-of-Semester Crunch”
The Inside Scoop on College Admissions Interviews
There was a time when the college interview was as much a staple of the application process as taking SATs and writing essays. As colleges work to attract bigger, more national and international applicant pools, though, interviewing prospective students has become increasingly costly and logistically challenging. Still, many colleges value direct, personal interaction with prospective students and include interviews as part of the process. As a result, colleges employ a wide range of different approaches to interviews for prospective students. Continue reading “The Inside Scoop on College Admissions Interviews”
Something for Everyone: Sophomore Slump, Care Packages, and Adolescent Brain Development
Here are a few crumbs of college knowledge for the first weekend in October.
- As the leaves begin to turn and the nights get decidedly cooler, we are moving into the height of parent/family weekend season at colleges across the US. If you’re visiting your first-year student on campus for the first time since the start of the year, my advice is to be cautious not to over-plan or be too rigid in your approach to the weekend’s activities. For sure, you should go ahead and make a dinner reservation if you are set on going to a particular restaurant or worried about the crowds on a busy weekend. But be prepared to take your cues from your student on how to spend most of your time with them. He may want you to join up with a number of his friends (and their families) for meals, the soccer game, or an a cappella concert. None of those things may be what you had in mind. But even if it’s not your thing, try to go along. Your student is trying to invite you into her life at college so you should suck it up and do what she wants. Conversely, you may want to bust out your new “College” hoodie and head to the football game, but your student suggests a walk in the campus arboretum or getting lunch off campus. There will be plenty of football games. If your student wants to spend alone time with you, make sure you pay attention and make it happen. You’ll find that there are lots of ways to enjoy parent/family weekend and what really matters is the time with your student.
The College Parent Trap – Rantings and Advice About Parenting College Students
Okay this is for my fellow parents of college students. Can we talk about mixed messages for a minute? From the moment our children sprang forth into the world we have been told in every way imaginable to be attentive to and engaged in their education and development.
Read to them. Get the right mobile to hang over the crib. Read to them. Get toys and games that help them to learn. Read to them. Get to know their teachers. Be a classroom volunteer (read to them and other people’s kids). Coach youth sports. Chaperone field trips. Follow what they are learning and partner with their teachers. Encourage them to read. Be involved with their school community. Continue reading “The College Parent Trap – Rantings and Advice About Parenting College Students”
More of This and That: A Few Tips for First Year of College Success
We are right smack in the middle of college opening season and I know that most of you are incredibly busy with all that entails so I’ll be brief. Here are a few thoughts to consider as you (or your child) starts college.
- There was an interesting piece by Lisa Heffernan and Jennifer Breheney Wallace in the New York Times last week about risks that new college students face. No doubt, personal health and safety is a fertile topic for discussion. While the tone of the piece is a bit foreboding and heavy-handed for my taste, every one of the subjects highlighted in the article is important. And, I enthusiastically second Heffernan and Wallace’s recommendation that students and families discuss these issues both now and throughout their college experience.
Continue reading “More of This and That: A Few Tips for First Year of College Success”
On Starting College: The First Day Parts I & II
Prologue
With the first day of college fast approaching for members of the Class of 2020 I wanted to share a few thoughts that I hope will prove helpful to both students and parents.
To begin, I would encourage you to go into that day understanding that it is going to be hectic and emotionally charged. Students are excited and nervous. Parents and families are excited and nervous. You’re navigating a new place in an overcrowded car that you’ve been wedged into for too long. Someone is yelling that you missed the entrance to the parking lot. Someone else is looking at his watch and sighing audibly because he knew you should have left a half hour earlier. Another someone almost certainly has to go to the bathroom – again. And the guest of honor is rolling his/her eyes because you people are SO embarrassing. Continue reading “On Starting College: The First Day Parts I & II”