One of the most exciting aspects of beginning college is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. It is a chance to start over in a setting where you aren’t limited by preexisting perceptions about who you are as a student, as a friend, or as a person. No one knows about the embarrassing nickname that got pasted to you after that unfortunate lunchroom mishap in ninth grade. Or the poem you wrote to Suzy on your two-week anniversary during junior year that went viral on Facebook after she broke up with you a day before your three-week anniversary. When you go to college, you get to hit the reset button and redefine yourself in a way that is consistent with who you are now – and who you want to be.
It’s pretty cool – and a really important part of becoming independent and shaping your future life. You should embrace the freedom to try out different versions of yourself. To explore your interests in and out of the classroom. To, as the brutally overused cliché urges, step outside of your comfort zone intellectually and personally and socially – understanding that doing so sometimes involves actual discomfort. Be brave and bold and curious in finding yourself and your place.
But also be cautious and careful and thoughtful. The objective is not to create a cartoon version of yourself. Or to cast off and run away from your core values – the essence of what matters most to you. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Or put yourself at risk.
I raise these notes of caution because it turns out that in the process of re-imagining themselves, students sometimes make ill-advised choices that lead to unwelcome consequences. Such missteps come in far too many different shapes and sizes for me to list. But, here are a few of the most common mistakes that new students make in the course of “starting over.”
The All or Nothing Approach to Activities – The overwhelming majority of college students were active in extra-curricular activities – sports, music, clubs, student government, volunteering, or all of the above – throughout high school. Your involvement in those things is a big part of what made you attractive to the college you’re going to attend, in large part because they expect you to be active in and contribute to the campus community. And you should.
Participating in activities that truly matter to you is hugely important. You will make friends in your residence hall, although those connections are often accidents of dormitory geography that may not stand the test of time. Playing on a team or in a musical ensemble or joining a club that is focused on something you care about, though, brings you into contact with people who share your interests and values. And that makes a big difference in the long run.
Be careful not to overextend yourself. It is not uncommon for new students to sign up for ten or more clubs and activities. They figure if two is good, six must be three times better. They’re wrong. Trying to manage coursework, a social life, and be involved in more than two or three meaningful activities is almost always too much.
On the other hand, opting out of co-curricular participation altogether is not a good idea either. For sure, it is crucial that you understand that academics has to be your top priority. However, you also need to have a full and balanced life. Students who are not active outside of class are more likely to feel isolated, alone, and disconnected from the campus community. And those are all really bad things.
Find a middle ground. Identify and commit to one or two things that you enjoy, enable you to make connections, and create social outlets.
The Social Life 180 – Trying out different kinds of social options to figure out what resonates most for you is awesome and absolutely what you should be doing. But extreme makeover college social life probably isn’t the best way to go. If you were the person who preferred to stay home reading or watching Netflix in high school, you most likely won’t enjoy going to raging parties every weekend. Likewise, if you always had to be in the center of the action, then reading philosophy until the library closes on Friday nights isn’t going to work for you. It’s better to explore a variety of options up and down the social spectrum than to try to force yourself into a place that doesn’t fit you.
Try out the full range of social activities and figure out the right mix for you. If you’ve never been to a big party but your curious, check one out. Go to the string quartet or jazz band or student theater productions – even if your high school friends would think it’s lame. You will quickly discover that there are tons of interesting activities and performances and lectures and films and athletic events happening on your campus all the time. And most of them are free – or very inexpensive. Try to avoid social ruts and take advantage of all your options.
I Got This /I Don’t Need No Stinking Help – It is normal and natural and completely appropriate for students to assert their independence as they start college. No doubt, learning to do for yourself and manage your life is central to the college experience. And you’re ready. But there is a big – really big – difference between being a responsible, self-sufficient adult and eschewing any and all kinds of help.
Unfortunately, too many first-year students who are doing poorly in a class are reluctant to ask for help because they are embarrassed or afraid. But every student struggles at one time or another. And asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness or indication that you don’t belong. Actually, it’s the opposite. Asking questions and seeking help are your job as a student. It’s how you learn.
The first year of college is a wild ride full of new experiences and opportunities, all of which will help you to redefine and reinvent yourself and how you enter the world. You will encounter a number of Goldilocks moments where you have to work through too much of this and too little of that before you find your balance. That’s all part of it.
Work hard. Have fun. And be kind. You’ve got this.
