On Starting College: The First Day Parts I & II

Prologue

With the first day of college fast approaching for members of the Class of 2020 I wanted to share a few thoughts that I hope will prove helpful to both students and parents.

To begin, I would encourage you to go into that day understanding that it is going to be hectic and emotionally charged. Students are excited and nervous. Parents and families are excited and nervous. You’re navigating a new place in an overcrowded car that you’ve been wedged into for too long. Someone is yelling that you missed the entrance to the parking lot. Someone else is looking at his watch and sighing audibly because he knew you should have left a half hour earlier. Another someone almost certainly has to go to the bathroom – again. And the guest of honor is rolling his/her eyes because you people are SO embarrassing.

You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s going to be a little nutty. So try not to get sucked into the vortex. Sure, it’s hectic and emotionally charged. But it’s also an amazingly awesome day that is teeming with hard-earned and well-deserved pride and anticipation for everyone involved. Bring your sense of humor and find your happy place. It’s a special day. Have fun.

Part I: For Students:

I started college on August 31, 1982.

It was a Tuesday. The weather was gray and cool, but it didn’t rain.

They served foot-long hotdogs for lunch in the dining halls. My mother insisted on making my bed and my father spent the day chatting up anyone who would listen to him.

My roommate brought a stack of Journey records and his teddy bear. I brought my Radio Shack turntable and a picture of my high school girlfriend. Neither the teddy bear nor the girlfriend picture lasted long in that room, but those are stories for another time.

I lived on a residence hall floor with 22 other guys. To this day I can tell you every one of their names, where they came from, and which room they lived in.

So what’s the point? Go to college and you too will have an encyclopedic memory?

Yeah, no. I actually don’t remember what I had for lunch two days ago. But I remember what I had for lunch on August 31, 1982 because that was the day I started college.

And that’s the point.

It’s a big day. Starting college is a big deal.

You do understand how rare this opportunity is, right?

Approximately 34% of Americans over the age of 18 have a college degree. That’s only 1 in 3. And that is almost five times more than the roughly 7% of the world’s population with a college degree. Think about that. Think about how special this opportunity is.

You get to go to college.

You get to spend the next four years studying and learning from some of the most brilliant scholars on the planet; in the history of the world. How cool is that?

You get to play intercollegiate sports and perform in jazz bands and orchestras. You get to volunteer and do mock trial and promote social justice and run student governments. You get to do research and direct plays and study abroad.

No doubt, the first few weeks of college can be a little overwhelming. It will be exciting and fun, and you’ve been looking forward to it for a really long time. But it’s also a little scary.

It’s okay, though. You’re ready. You belong.

So tomorrow or next week or whenever your first day is try not to lose sight of the big picture. Remember that arrival day is just the beginning. The best parts are what come next.

Part II: For Parents and Families

First, congratulations. You earned it.

Sure, your students did the heavy lifting and deserve the lion’s share of the credit for getting to where they are – on the doorstep of starting the amazing college journey right in front of them.

But they didn’t do it by themselves.

As terrific and talented and wonderful as they are – and they are – it didn’t just happen.

They didn’t just spring forth into the world doing calculus, juggling soccer balls, and tutoring 8th graders in their spare time.

They got a lot of help from you along the way.

I know.

I know about the sleepless nights. About doing laundry until midnight so they’d be ready for pajama day at school. About standing in the rain waiting for the school bus and at track meets and football games. About being late to work because you were delivering to school the lunchbox or trumpet or shin guards they left at home.

I know that they were able to succeed in all the ways that they did – in all the ways that brought them to where they are now – because of the support and patience and love they got from you.

I know too that for parents and families, the first day is not only about your student moving in at college. It’s also about your child moving out of your home. And moving on to a new and very different chapter in their lives – and yours.

There’s a lot happening. And not all of it is easy.

Of course the elephant in the room for everyone is the looming moment of goodbye. The point in the day when you have been instructed by some smug, heartless administrator to leave. The final poignant and reassuring words of wisdom accompanied by one last hug. There is no doubt about it. It’s hard.

If it helps, try to keep in mind that actually saying goodbye is by far the most difficult part. As harsh as it may sound, my advice is to make it a tear-off-the-band-aid moment. Say goodbye, have a good hug, and get the heck out of Dodge. It starts to get better for everyone as soon as that moment is over.

Okay, it gets better for your student as soon as that moment is over. It may take a little longer for you. But we can all agree that what’s best for your student is what matters most, right?

Different colleges handle arrival day in different ways. Some have programs specifically for parents that carry through the day and may even continue the following morning. Others do parent orientation earlier in the summer, so once you’re done moving your student in there is not much else for you to do. Regardless of what, if any, parent programming exists, it is a virtual certainty that by dinner time there will be required programs and activities for students. And parents really do need to have left by then.

Most colleges and most kids make that point very clear to parents and families. But on the off chance that neither your child nor the college s/he is attending is comfortable telling you when to leave – and here I really am speaking to my sister who will be delivering my nephew to college next week – let me be clear: if you’re still skulking around campus when students are starting to have dorm meetings and gather in orientation groups, you have become that parent and you need to go home.

All kidding aside, the first day of college is a rare and wonderful day. A day to be proud and excited and, yes, maybe a little sentimental. And it is most definitely a day to enjoy.